I do not recall, at all, how I have had the idea of making the notebooks series… of shaping the canvas like a notebook… Perhaps it is due to the need of collecting the pieces, integrating and placing them… I do not know…
I check my works… I try to catch that moment again… but I realize that is an effort in vain… I feel I have been alienated from them… I attempt to read them again via the present… I approach them keeping in mind the awareness of the reality, of being gone and of never-could-be-grabbed-again characteristic of that moment… I feel they take a deep breath… All of us are free now…
The notebooks… I thought it would be as keeping a diary… travelling to the past…and as if it would be somewhat like an archaeological excavation… the words which could not be uttered when they should have been uttered… the words dreaded, suppressed and distorted… the weary images trying to get out of the darkness… and perhaps the fatigue due to trying to reconstruct them again and again… they are the ones that cry, they are here and they have always been here, that attempt to continue to exist by trying hard to catch hold of each other… as they have always been conscious of the difficulty of coming to the light and keeping themselves there in light…
We were the images stuck in the darkness and asked for the Sun…It was cold outside… We were dead cold, and we threw out our cooled-and-frosted-selves and became the reality itself… we were strangers… startled, scared… we became the outcry some time…we wished to go back… we turned back and looked… turned to stone… We became a black-and-white passage and flowed through it… the colours howled among the crackling branches of the trees… the sky flashed from the depths of the rain… the puzzled eyes were respectfully closed… Everything integrated into the white... the feeble ones turned to a cloud of dust … the durable ones stepped firmly on the ground being aware of their strength… Gaia bade farewell to all of us… the ones born into the lap of nothingness started a new dance.
Nur Ataibiş
